It Will All Work Out

*This is more for me than for anyone else. It's a little bit of a "woe is me" post, which I apologize for. But I want to remember this somewhat sucky time for the future and this was the fastest way for me to record it all.

We all have those times when everything
seems to go wrong.

I've often wondered about them.
Why do things have to pile up so?
After all, wouldn't one small trial at a time
already be hard enough?

This time around,
I think that God is trying to teach me gratitude
and also show me that He's in charge.
At least, that's how I feel.

Monday was rough.
Not only had I been in the ER with Collette the night before
because she has YET ANOTHER UTI
and all the Urgent Cares that I knew of were closed...
Brandon was also gone ALL DAY LONG
for school
(which is unusual for Mondays)
and I felt sick ALL DAY LONG
(we're all coming down with stuff right now).
When we got to the end of the day,
I was just grateful that we'd all survived.

Then Tuesday came,
which didn't necessarily promise bluer skies
since Brandon would be at school all day still
but that was the usual for Tuesdays,
so I could deal with it.

I hadn't started my homework for the week yet,
partially because I hate doing homework on Mondays
and also because I'd been sick,
so that was causing me a little bit of stress.
Oh well. Nothing I couldn't handle.

Then I noticed the small pile of envelopes on the counter.
Brandon had brought in the mail.
I opened the first letter
from Saint Alphonsus.
It was a bill for the ultrasound Collette had gotten 
on her kidneys in November.
I about burst with relief.
For months I'd been dreading this bill
and to see that it was not even $20 was so wonderful!
Of course, in the back of my mind,
I wondered about the test Collette had done last week
(more on that in another post soon)
and how much that was going to run us.
But I could easily push off the stress of that.
After all, it was our daughter's health we were dealing with
and we would pay whatever amount necessary.

I opened up the second letter.
Our power bill.
While higher than I would have liked it,
the amount wasn't surprising,
so I wasn't really stressed about it.

And then I turned to the third letter.
From Pediatrix Medical Group.
I didn't recognize the name right off the back.
But I wondered if this could possibly be the bill
from the test Collette had on Friday.
I thought that was awfully quick
for them to already get it to us.
Especially when the bill from the ultrasound
had taken about 4 months to get here.
I ripped the envelope open and 
just stared at the numbers on the bill.
I searched the bill, looking for what we could 
POSSIBLY be charged that much for.
Certainly the test wouldn't have cost that much, right?
And then I found it.
A charge from August 19th, 2014...
18 months ago when our little Emmett
had spent some time in the NICU.
It had taken them 18 months to get it to us.

This amount of money may not have seemed so daunting
considering that we had just gotten our tax return a few days before
for a fairly sizable amount.
However, in the context of what else was going on in our lives,
it was a little overwhelming.
First of all, we were hoping to use our tax return
to pay off the van we bought in August.
(After all, getting out of debt is a noble desire, right?)
Well, $500 probably wouldn't make THAT much of a difference.
BUT, our oven also needs to be replaced
and quite badly.
I'm tempted to just wait to replace it until it poops out on us for good.
But I just have that feeling that it'll happen
when I've signed up to make someone dinner
or bring cookies to some church function
or feed the missionaries.
So waiting suddenly doesn't seem like such a good option.
The real irony is that we were looking at ovens
just the night before
and found some killers for...
you guessed it

I have to admit, I was a little amused at the irony of it all.
Although my amusement didn't show much through my frustration.
Oh well.
That's fine.
We'll get through it, I thought.
What's $1000 anyway?
In the context of our tax return,
we still would have enough for the
and probably to pay off our van too.
So life was okay.
It was filled with some more stress,
but it was still okay.
One way or another we would survive.

And here's where I really lost it.
I went and got my haircut yesterday afternoon
and then I went to my parents house for a little bit after.
After getting home, I went to get the clothes out of the dryer.
I open it up...
and the clothes are still soaked.
I groaned immediately.
Earlier in the day, I had put the load in
and THOUGHT that I had started it.
So, later, when I checked on them and they were still wet,
I was puzzled because I could have SWORN I started it.
So I started it again.
And yet, here we were, hours later, and the clothes were still wet.
I ran some tests and realized
the dryer was producing NO heat.
I called my mom and had a meltdown.
She gave me her motherly pep talks
and told me to bring the two loads of wet clothes
to her house in the morning 
and dry them there.
Okay. Fine.

It will all work out.
It will all work out.
It will all work out.

Needless to say,
as I went to bed last night,
I was understandably overwhelmed.
I laughed a little about how the Relief Society lessons
the past 2 weeks
(because we were in my parent's ward last week
and our ward this week and our ward was a week behind)
were on adversity and trials.

And then I began thinking about the health concerns we've been having
for our little Collette.
Again, I'll post the full information another day,
but in short, we had her tested for reflux
(urine leaking into the kidneys)
because of her frequent UTI's.
I received a call yesterday
that her results came back as "abnormal"
but I know nothing else at this point.

I had reflux when I was younger
and had to have surgery to fix it.
The idea of Collette having surgery looming over me wasn't something
that necessarily caused me much stress.
But in conjunction with the rest of the day,
I found myself stressing over that more than anything else.

But, still trying to stay positive and not lose my head,
I started to count my blessings.
Specifically, I thought back to December
when we were struggling with some issues with our van
(ya know... the one we just bought in August).
Those issues had at the time seemed too annoying to handle,
but somehow we got through it.
I distinctly remember thinking
"Well, at least we got everything with the car figured out."

And that was why I was so shocked to find what we did this morning.
We got to my mom's house,
loaded our wet laundry into her dryers
and then all set out
(Brandon, my mom, me, and my kids)
to go to the Zumba class that my mom teaches.

As we were preparing to leave,
Brandon tells me,
"Ashley, I can't get the sliding door to shut."
I didn't believe him
thinking that CERTAINLY we couldn't be having problems
with the car door AGAIN.
(In December we had to replace the motors
for both automatic doors,
as well as the rollers and cables, among other things.
It was a huge ordeal and not one I was ready to face again.)

We tried a few times to close the door automatically.
Each time, it would close,
only to beep as if it were blocked
and open right back up again.
We turned off the automatic doors
and closed it manually,
just so we could get to where we needed to go.

So here I sit, writing all of this down
with not a single one of these issues resolved
and I can't help but laugh a little about all of it.
Honestly, I think it's the only thing that I can do
to keep from crying.

It's in these times that I have to think about others
that I know are struggling
with trials that I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemies.
I'll take this stuff over what they are going through any day.

All of this stuff sucks.
But we'll get through it.
Somehow, the money will be arranged
and the medical care will be taken care of
and our stinking appliances and car
will work.
Or they won't work, but if they don't,
we'll figure something else out.

And if we don't figure something else out,
we'll find a way to do without.

I just have to breathe and remind myself...

'til next time...



  1. I'm so sorry! Life can pile it all on at once. I'm sorry about the car doors. . . again! How frustrating! Why can't cars just work!

    And I am totally waiting for the next post about Collette. Poor girl! Hope it all turns out fine for her and you guys!!

    1. Thanks! It's been a rough week, for sure! We haven't gotten really ANY of the issues resolved yet, but now that the initial frustration has worn off a bit, I'm dealing with it better. The car door thing is by far the most frustrating! It's annoying to spend so much on a car only to have to pay MORE to fix the darn thing! I'll never buy a van with automatic doors again! Haha!

      I'll know more today about Collette. We have an appointment with her urologist today to discuss treatment options and determine if surgery is necessary for her. So I'm sure I'll post an update today or sometime tomorrow if I get around to it! :) Keep her in your prayers!